The Art of Shifting Power

I've always been afraid of being labeled an "emotional woman" when I get angry or sad or frustrated. Like, "Here she goes, just nod and smile and wait it out."

It's demeaning. And it makes women angrier, sadder, and more frustrated, thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy that we run high on emotions and go nuts over "little things."

Because, really, it's just a "little" disrespect. It's just a "little" apathy. It's just a "little" sexism. Nothing to make a fuss about, right?

In conflict management, groups concerned with denying conflict often shoot the messenger. The person saying "THERE IS A PROBLEM HERE" is seen as the problem and is treated as the problem. Rather than dealing with conflict constructively, the group denies that pain and conflict exist and insist on fake peace instead of honest struggles about reality.

In groups like this, there's very little you can do, aside from getting a higher power on your side (officer core, guild leader, or the majority of members). If the group itself is unhealthy and destructive, putting all its energy toward sweeping problems under the rug (it's "just a game" after all, so why bother to deal with guild conflict when you can ignore it?), it just postpones the inevitable.

But let's talk about something you can do. The following is for dealing with despots, not undermining a leadership you just don't agree with/like.

Bullies and abusive members/leaders should be disempowered. To do this, you:

• take away their choices
• limit their information
• diminish their perception of control

(In my last post, I mentioned boycotts, protests, and denying free services.) If they take away things you've become dependent on, such as access to the guild bank or raid slots or rare crafting patterns, you do not reward them for trying to hold you hostage by giving in. You hold firm.

You may say "I'm just one member, I can't do any of that!"

No, but everyone can. It is not impossible to persuade a majority of the guild to your side, though it is hard. It takes time and effort and persuasion. A gquit is simpler and faster, but this is written under the assumption that you don't want to keep leaving guilds, that maybe you want to fix one... that maybe... you care. And you want to stay.

So you want to empower the other members to engage the leaders on an equal level. To do this, you:

• reduce your own fear (scared people scare people)
• use positive language
• give choices about when and where to talk
• give them information/knowledge
• find best alternatives to what they want
• give them something to do

Also listen to what people want and try to understand their interest in the guild: needs, desires, hopes, concerns, and fears. "This is also a form of disempowering, because one who hears may know too much AND get it wrong -- or get it right if the underlying motive is power or control. It can be intimidating to be understood." (class notes)

And be careful who you empower. Sometimes they use that power against you.

Once you have the larger communal power on your side, once the guild has agreed on a course of action, approach the leaders as a group. Know the problems you want fixed. Whether it's respect for some members who aren't getting it, a leash put on disruptive members, a change in policy, a more open administration . . . if you have the power of the entire membership behind you, you have all the power.

Don't mess it up.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer in In Vino Veritas.

She's a writer, artist and avid blogger.

Beth's been married since her junior year of college.