Guilds, Real Life, and Responsibility

I realize I've been on a conflict management kick lately, shaking my finger and telling everyone to be responsible in some way or another.

This is a different sort of responsibility.

What is your personal responsibility toward other players?

There are several modes of thought. Some consider every person to be responsible for him or herself (sometimes not even that) and too bad if they manage to be smarter and faster and more cutthroat. Some consider themselves responsible to help teach new players the ropes, to lecture on rules, gameplay, and manners.

But are you ever responsible to help someone fill a gap in their home life?

For most people, no, never. It's a game, for God's sake.

In a family guild, you get an interesting mix of responses. When we had a small exodus and return of members (5 or so), two of those got back in the guild through a guild vote based on (and I truly believe this) the overwhelming factor that neither boy had a dad at home, and they said they needed us to fill that gap.

I was in the "we cannot let them back just to help fill their void" camp, and I was very very definite on this point. I still voted them back in, because I'm a softie, but I did not talk softly.

And we all wavered. I think part of the thinking went along the lines of "This guild cares, so someone else will take care of them." People voted them in thinking we could help but not taking responsibility to do it themselves. We voted them in because we thought they deserved a second chance but also out of sympathy, because we just didn't have the heart to say no.

Part of me (the woman) thinks they're better off in IVV than out there in the morass of heartless male role models who pepper the official forums and our server. Another part (the officer) thinks they played on our heartstrings and used their dadlessness to get what they wanted.

I voted to let them back in, but I had to overlook the emotional points of their applications. I don't think a guild is fit to be used as a surrogate parent, but I also believe that people deserve a second chance.

My conclusion is that I don't know what the right answer should be. Certainly, after we pulled them back into the fold, no one jumped from his seat to say "I'll be your father figure!!" One of them had hit his angry teenage stage, taking little things out on bystanders, and the other disappeared for a while.

Anyone who voted for them because they thought we could support them in trying times was, in my opinion, way off the mark. Not because we aren't capable, but just because that's not how it turned out.

And I think (correct me if I'm wrong) that's why the officers don't plan on opening reapplications up to the guild anymore. IVV just doesn't have the heart to cut people off, not when they think they can help. Sweet, but potentially harmful.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer in In Vino Veritas.

She's a writer, artist and avid blogger.

Beth's been married since her junior year of college.