Attitude Check: Trust

Family Guilds are founded on relationships. Relationships are built on trust. Without trust a family guild cannot function. I’m not talking about the superficial level of trust that most organizations with a common purpose possess. There’s a fundamental level of trust that hopes the Guild Leader won’t ninja the bank, disband the guild, transfer servers and leave everyone out in the cold. There’s a judicial level of trust that believes that loot will be handed out fairly according to the guild’s rules for loot distribution. I’m talking about something deeper – relational trust. Relational trust requires emotional vulnerability; it requires forming human connections with others. This isn’t always easy to create or maintain in a virtual environment where “real” human interaction is not a requirement. It isn’t easy, but it is necessary for those who would be a “family guild” (as opposed to a “raiding” or “PvP” guild).

Trust on the relational level does not come easily. Trust is not bought or demanded, it is earned and nurtured. Trusting someone requires opening up to that person – becoming vulnerable. In a very real sense, this is the definition of the type of trust we’re seeking. Some people trust easily, some with difficulty. It’s important to recognize the difficulties presented by asking people to trust one another in a setting where there is no ultimate accountability. You cannot force someone to be trusting of the guild, its leaders or its members, but there are certain steps you (as a leader or a member) can take to encourage and foster an atmosphere of trust within your guild. The essence of my advice can be summed up thus: “Trust and you will be trusted.”

First, be willing to take the first step. If you show a willingness to make yourself vulnerable to others by reaching out to them in seeking to either establish or develop a personal relationship you will find them far more likely to open up to you. In doing this you lead by example.

Second, keep your word. If you are going to take the first step you MUST be prepared to follow up. Trust is constantly being built and once broken it can be very difficult to fix. The best and most powerful way to foster trust is simply to keep your promises. It’s much easier to trust someone who is reliable and honest.

Third, praise and reward trust in others. Encourage trust among all members not only by being a leader yourself but by pointing out and praising acts of trust and relationship-building in others. Our guild makes a point never to neglect someone who is making a clear attempt to build relationships within the guild. In many cases we could do one better and reward the person’s willingness to reach out by trusting that person with, for example, greater responsibility.

What follows are a few practical suggestions on how IVV has worked to create a community that trusts.

First Name Basis – This came about quite naturally for IVV because our core group knew each other prior to playing WoW together, so “Jon” came more naturally for my brother-in-law than “Manasseh” and the usage of real-life names carried over to other members. This can be a difficult transition for a guild that generally goes by character name, but it’s a policy that helps to foster trust within the guild as a whole. Using “real” names rather than character names to identify a person is humanizing and more intimate (without being uncomfortable). In a virtual world where anonymity is the norm, this is one small but important step toward developing an atmosphere of trust.

Member Pages – IVV has a dedicated forum for people to create an “About Me” page. It’s our own version of MySpace/Facebook (though many members also keep in touch through these social networking sites). We encourage members to talk about their interests/disinterests, their families, their work, their lives and frustrations. The posting of pictures is also strongly encouraged because it provides a whole new level of intimacy which demonstrates an increasing level of comfort and trust.

Responsibility – If you’re going to ask people to trust you (and the guild) you need to be prepared to act on that trust. You might be surprised to find how much there is to be gained by entrusting someone with even a small amount of responsibility. Ask a fellow member to take care of some task or another and let that person know that you’re “counting on them.” Even asking them to assist you with a task you’re undertaking can have the same effect. It’s shocking how much this can mean to someone, especially during those early stages of relationship-building.

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Jon Blevins is an officer of In Vino Veritas.

He's a pastor, husband, gamer and wannabe Jedi Knight.

He lives in Minnesota where the snow comes from.