Cliques -- The Little Family in a Big Family Disconnect

Family Guilds are aptly but deceptively named. While it's true that a number of my actual blood-related family members are members of In Vino Veritas, it is also true that the guild itself has become a second family to me. The foundation of our guild was real-life family and friends but we have grown far beyond these restrictive borders to include those with little more than a common vision and a love for gaming. This subtle but definite shift from "family" as persons with whom a real-life bond or blood or friendship is shared to "family" as the guild itself, inclusive of all its members, has been occassionally problematic.

The conflict between these two understandings of the "family" in Family Guild has been more apparent to me in my role as an officer. There are those within the guild who, to some degree or another, still cling to their real-life connections within the guild and almost exclusively instance and PvP with that close-knit group of individuals. There are others who hold that such cliquish behavior is harmful to a view of the guild as one big "family" and therefore frown upon those who reserve their in-game time for their real-life friends or family. This is the tension I want to discuss with you.

People join family guilds because they are looking for family -- whether they're following joining their older brother's guild or looking for a community that provides a safe, family-friendly atmosphere for playing World of Warcraft. If they were looking for anything else, they'd join THAT type of guild. I've said it before, but it bears repeating -- raiders belong in raiding guilds, PvPers belong in PvP guilds, socialites belong in social guilds and family belongs in (you guessed it) a family guild. In fact, it's been commented upon by multiple persons on multiple occassions that a significant portion of my guild would not be playing World of Warcraft if it were not for In Vino Veritas. The commenters have ranged from our most dedicated raid leaders to folks that do little more than hang out in Dalaran chatting with people. They remain with us and with the game because we are family -- and that's what they desire most from this virtual environment.

People join family guilds to be part of a family, but that rarely means they view every member of the guild exactly the same way. It's impossible to have an intimate relationship with 3 to 4 dozen people. It just can't be done. Every member of IVV has some connecting point -- the person(s) through whom they were brought into the guild. That connecting point likely has their own connecting point(s) and that forms a social network that is in some way connected to the rest of the guild. The issue that many seem to neglect is that the further you branch away from that initial connecting point the less connected you feel. We all form cliques -- small groups within a larger group -- but to keep within the metaphor of the family, I would suggest that in a healthy family guild the "cliques" are not seperatist sects but members of nuclear families connected to one another in various ways to form "The Family."

Like any healthy family tree, it branches. I'm understandably closer to my sister than to my mother's cousins. No one looks upon that as odd... or offensive... they see it as normal. Proximity breeds familiarity. There is nothing wrong with being part of a smaller, more intimate group of friends. Being a part of such a group does not exclude you from the larger group. In terms of the family metaphor, getting married and moving out of my parents' house doesn't make me any less their son. It only means that I've branched out. I'm still part of The Family (big "F") even though I've started my own family (little "f"). Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for being a part of your family. It's natural, good and right for you to spend more time with your immediate family than you do with your extended Family. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone complain to the effect of "You only spend time with your wife and sister and brothers-in-law!" Well... DUH! While the claim isn't patently true, I do spend more time with those people... and I think it appropriate that I do so. In fact, it would be unhealthy if I didn't.

That said, I want to extend a warning to those who have become so comfortable in their immediate families (the cliques) that they are neglecting their extended family (the guild). Not everyone has strong, unbreakable ties to your guild. This is particularly true of those who have weak real-life connections to the guild. The adopted cousin might not feel as at home as the natural-born son. While I would urge you not to let others make you feel guilty for being part of a group within the group, I would also encourage you to continue to draw others into your group, particularly the disenfranchised. They may become a part of your inner-circle or your outreach may serve as a catalyst for introducing them to a different group that they fit in better with.

We are family -- both in the most intimate sense and in the broadest possible sense.

------------------------------

Jon Blevins is an officer of In Vino Veritas.
He's a pastor, husband, gamer and hopeless romantic.
He lives in Minnesota, birthplace of flapjacks.