Following as a Skill

In a game where "skill" is often measured by putting in the most time and having the most hardcore net of accomplishments, I have always worried that I am on a lower skill bracket than others in my guild. After all, I spend the majority of my time obsessing over cute pets, pretty dresses, and holidays instead of pwning the hardest heroics for emblems and giggles.

Saturday, my family got a guild first: the Impossible Achievement that made a noob DK trash-talk a tank friend. After jubilant cheering (and a 10 minute afk where I baked a few celebratory cookies), we finished the other achievements for Azjol-Nerub and moved straight to Zombiefest.

I had never done Heroic AN and had never done Culling of Stratholme in any form. In fact, my shadow priest wore level 71 green boots and mostly 70 epics except for a holy tier 7 chest, 80 rings, and some Naxx 10 gloves.

Anyone with any sense will know that I couldn't have been carried through the Impossible Achievement (aka Watch Him Die). We had only two working dps, me and Jon's wife, while my husband tanked, his best friend off-tanked, and Jon healed.

I have always regretfully thought of myself on a lower skill bracket than certain others in my guild -- people who had grouped together to try that very same achievement and failed.

But the reason we got that achievement and they didn't isn't extra practice (those guys wiped for hours) or better gear (they regularly top the dps charts).

My theory is that we succeeded because my family group is a team.

We leveled to 70 together. We've met to do instances every Sunday since we started playing WoW. We know how to move together, how to coordinate, how each of us will react in a certain situation, how to give out assignments for each person's strengths and weaknesses.

Our family group has two officers and two former officers, and nobody steps on anyone else's toes. The theorycrafters in our group contribute to boss strategy, reading and tweaking and making suggestions. Whenever one person speaks, everyone listens. The non-theorycrafters tend to limit suggestions to our own roles, the occasional tweak, and just ask that someone tell us where to stand and what to kill; however, I also think we have one of the most important skills any player can possess -- the ability to follow.

A leader can communicate orders to a team with forethought and detail, but the entire effort is wasted if no one can execute those orders accurately. If everyone in a group wants to lead, nothing will ever get done. A good raid -- a good guild! -- must have people willing and able to follow to be successful, just as it must have those willing and able to lead.

Individual skill becomes pointless in a group effort if the individual cannot find synergy with everyone else. Like the worldwide arena tournament, where the US teams had been slapped together using excellent individual players, but the (Korean) winners had been playing together for years. It makes a difference.

And I think that while there are admirable players in my guild who could beat me in PVP and on the dps meters every single time, their 5-mans could never beat my family group for sheer teamliness.

Not that that's a word. But it makes me happy to finally know -- I'm not a scrub. :D And with the right environment, I might even be called . . . skilled.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer of In Vino Veritas.
She is a writer and avid blogger.
Beth plays WoW primarily for her Sunday Family Time.

Disconnects and Loot

I've blogged about pug raids before, about unexpected loot issues and the ethics of kicking people. This is a different scenario.

You're the leader (and Master Looter) of a 25-man Arch pick-up-group.

Someone disconnects right before the boss and comes back just before he goes down.

Do they get loot?

Your gut answer is probably no, but think about it in light of these questions:

Are they taking advantage?

Unless you know that they are, you don't have the right to say yes. It's definitely not the best way to pull one over on a raid, since people can see your character standing there doing nothing (or get dropped from the group).

I give everyone the benefit of the doubt for disconnects unless they're a known ninja. It's not fair to screw someone out of their 25-man id for the week because of something they can't control.

What have they done for the raid?

In my case, the disconnect guy had summoned everyone for two raids and helped on the trash. He'd apologized in our 10-man for being late because of bad lag when another player didn't apologize for being late because of AV (and got a summon from the guy who'd flown through major lag).

How well do you know them?

This is not about favoritism. It's, very simply, whether or not you know this person well enough to stand behind them when they say it was an accident.

My Situation

I led 10 guildies and 15 pick-ups into Arch. We pulled a little early, the rogue who pulled died, he apologized in a whisper, I told him "No big."

We downed the boss juuust after he enraged.

I immediately get two whispers and a few comments in raid chat: "Warlock didn't do anything, don't give him loot."

Warlock is a friend. He summoned everyone, he'd been having bad lag all day, and I'd noticed he'd been disconnected (gone grey) at one point.

I replied to the whispers, "He's a friend, he d/c'd, I'll talk to him." Whisperers remained adamant that he didn't do anything when he came back, either. I was sure this was just continued lag but didn't say so.

I whispered Warlock, one of my guild's sweetest kids, and said: "Some people will be upset if you roll since you d/c'd. I won't keep you from rolling, but it might be best if you pass." He agreed. Happily, the other warlock was also in our guild (an officer) and we were both glad to see him get the warlock piece.

The part I know a lot of people won't agree with is "I won't keep you from rolling." But think about it. Even if he was a pug, he blew his entire afternoon waiting on and summoning other people, he saved himself to 25-man Arch, and for what? To get passed over for loot?

This is a weird situation because it brings different philosophies firmly to a head. Many people do not see it as fair to give loot to someone who doesn't participate -- or even to keep someone in the group who doesn't do the best dps (see kicking link above). But I do not see it as fair to punish someone for technical difficulties. Forget how helpful he was with the summons -- it just isn't right to reject people for loot based on performance.

If someone is good enough to get in your raid, they're good enough to roll on loot. This has always been my philosophy. If I let someone in my raid, I have a duty to protect that person's interests, guildie or not. I was prepared to stand behind him and take crap if he wanted to roll, and I hope I would have done the same if he'd been a pug.

Because that's what good leaders do. Stand there and take crap for making controversial decisions in the name of fairness.

What preventative measures can you take?

Kick anyone who disconnects during a boss fight.

This is not a punishment. It's preventing them from getting saved to a raid they won't get loot from, and it allows them to try again later for loot, which is fair to everyone. If they come back and you haven't filled their spot and you're about to try the boss again, bring them back in. If the boss is dead, apologize for the necessity, give your reasoning, and hand out loot while you're talking.

This requires that you be aware of what's going on in your raid panel during the fight, so you might want to have a trusted Assist to kick disconnects (I was healing, it wouldn't have been possible). Sometimes people look disconnected when they're moving and doing their job, so it requires an attentive mind to pay attention to this sort of scenario.

It's harder than a simple "No loot for u!" But it's guaranteed to be fair.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer of In Vino Veritas.
She's a writer and hates leading pugs (but often has to).
Beth's been married since her junior year of college.

Cliques -- The Little Family in a Big Family Disconnect

Family Guilds are aptly but deceptively named. While it's true that a number of my actual blood-related family members are members of In Vino Veritas, it is also true that the guild itself has become a second family to me. The foundation of our guild was real-life family and friends but we have grown far beyond these restrictive borders to include those with little more than a common vision and a love for gaming. This subtle but definite shift from "family" as persons with whom a real-life bond or blood or friendship is shared to "family" as the guild itself, inclusive of all its members, has been occassionally problematic.

The conflict between these two understandings of the "family" in Family Guild has been more apparent to me in my role as an officer. There are those within the guild who, to some degree or another, still cling to their real-life connections within the guild and almost exclusively instance and PvP with that close-knit group of individuals. There are others who hold that such cliquish behavior is harmful to a view of the guild as one big "family" and therefore frown upon those who reserve their in-game time for their real-life friends or family. This is the tension I want to discuss with you.

People join family guilds because they are looking for family -- whether they're following joining their older brother's guild or looking for a community that provides a safe, family-friendly atmosphere for playing World of Warcraft. If they were looking for anything else, they'd join THAT type of guild. I've said it before, but it bears repeating -- raiders belong in raiding guilds, PvPers belong in PvP guilds, socialites belong in social guilds and family belongs in (you guessed it) a family guild. In fact, it's been commented upon by multiple persons on multiple occassions that a significant portion of my guild would not be playing World of Warcraft if it were not for In Vino Veritas. The commenters have ranged from our most dedicated raid leaders to folks that do little more than hang out in Dalaran chatting with people. They remain with us and with the game because we are family -- and that's what they desire most from this virtual environment.

People join family guilds to be part of a family, but that rarely means they view every member of the guild exactly the same way. It's impossible to have an intimate relationship with 3 to 4 dozen people. It just can't be done. Every member of IVV has some connecting point -- the person(s) through whom they were brought into the guild. That connecting point likely has their own connecting point(s) and that forms a social network that is in some way connected to the rest of the guild. The issue that many seem to neglect is that the further you branch away from that initial connecting point the less connected you feel. We all form cliques -- small groups within a larger group -- but to keep within the metaphor of the family, I would suggest that in a healthy family guild the "cliques" are not seperatist sects but members of nuclear families connected to one another in various ways to form "The Family."

Like any healthy family tree, it branches. I'm understandably closer to my sister than to my mother's cousins. No one looks upon that as odd... or offensive... they see it as normal. Proximity breeds familiarity. There is nothing wrong with being part of a smaller, more intimate group of friends. Being a part of such a group does not exclude you from the larger group. In terms of the family metaphor, getting married and moving out of my parents' house doesn't make me any less their son. It only means that I've branched out. I'm still part of The Family (big "F") even though I've started my own family (little "f"). Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for being a part of your family. It's natural, good and right for you to spend more time with your immediate family than you do with your extended Family. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone complain to the effect of "You only spend time with your wife and sister and brothers-in-law!" Well... DUH! While the claim isn't patently true, I do spend more time with those people... and I think it appropriate that I do so. In fact, it would be unhealthy if I didn't.

That said, I want to extend a warning to those who have become so comfortable in their immediate families (the cliques) that they are neglecting their extended family (the guild). Not everyone has strong, unbreakable ties to your guild. This is particularly true of those who have weak real-life connections to the guild. The adopted cousin might not feel as at home as the natural-born son. While I would urge you not to let others make you feel guilty for being part of a group within the group, I would also encourage you to continue to draw others into your group, particularly the disenfranchised. They may become a part of your inner-circle or your outreach may serve as a catalyst for introducing them to a different group that they fit in better with.

We are family -- both in the most intimate sense and in the broadest possible sense.

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Jon Blevins is an officer of In Vino Veritas.
He's a pastor, husband, gamer and hopeless romantic.
He lives in Minnesota, birthplace of flapjacks.

Needs vs Wants

A while back, there was a bit of hooplah in IVV about people asking for or not giving help. The base problem was availability but also interpretation -- people are less likely to help with a Want than a Need.

• Instances while leveling are a Want. You do not need instances to level. If you are lucky enough to have someone willing to run you through something, that's awesome. Otherwise, suck it up.
• Heroics are a little different. Need depends on gear drops in light of raid requirements and whether or not you can find a comparable piece elsewhere (craft/rep) that is soloable. Everything else, even emblem farming, is Want. If all you need is emblems, be available for other people's runs, but you don't have the right to badger 4 other people to go somewhere specific.
• Achievements are Wants. Sorry, folks. I like achievements as much as anyone, but nobody is going to feel pressured to stop doing dailies to help kill turkeys or even, as one (now former) IVV member expected, form a fresh raid to kill the faction leaders.
• Mount, pet, and rep farming are Wants. I like cosmetic items and nice high reps too, but they are a luxury, not a right.
• PVP is a Need when you're camped and have no options but to sit there. If you have a choice in the matter, it's a Want. You aren't entitled to backup if you can get away.
  
• Activities suggested out of boredom are not and will never be Needs. They are Wants. Period.
• Class skills are a Need. It's pretty hard to do anything if you're working with level 44 spells in Outland.
  
• Riding skill is a Want. I'm in Outlands on a 60% speed mount on Moon Guard for my mage. If I can handle that, you can handle the slow flyer.

Managing Wants

Your guild gets more use out of the guy doing his Hodir dailies for the shoulder enchant than your Wants. Therefore, it's actually more beneficial to the guild when people ignore Want requests.

Family guilds inevitably try to help each other within reason. But Wants are luxuries. If you get help for them, you are lucky and should be very happy for all the nice helpful people around you. But it is unreasonable to think that you are entitled to help for your Wants. You are not.

The best method is to find other people with Wants and team up. Even if your Wants don't mesh, agree to help each other anyway. This gives you the numbers you need, even if you have to do some things you have no interest in.

Managing Needs

If you Need something, make that clear to the people around you. Don't just say "I need this," either. That's sloppy, lazy, and not at all persuasive.

If you have a Need, first tell people why you need it. "I want to run X" will get you ignored while "X has the bow I've been farming to raise my dps by Y points for Z raid boss" will get some interested people going "Well, I can't help now, but if you can wait until ___..." and others ready to jump on the bandwagon immediately (often those with Wants in the same area). The first request implies that it is a Want request, while the second assures everyone that your request is a Need because you've done your homework on it.

A good guild will go out of its way to fulfill your Needs if you let everyone know about them. A method my guildmates use sometimes is putting their current Need in their forum signature. Another good way is to whisper someone who has connections (for example, whispering me or Jon would be a good way to get a group for a Need, since we have family connections we can pull in).

Most Needs can be handled solo, but at some point you'll require the help of others. And when that time comes, you must convince them that your Need is really a Need. And then they'll pay attention to you.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer of In Vino Veritas.
She's a writer and likes to help with mount farming.
Beth's been married since her junior year of college.

Think Well of Me

Everyone has someone whose good opinion they desire. You probably want a positive relationship with your parents, children, friends, or coworkers, but every now and then you care about the opinions of people you shouldn't -- like a girl from my high school who tried to hang out with the popular kids in choir, but the popular kids just made fun of her; women who stay with abusive men; or players who choose to idolize others, regardless of personality, just for having the best gear.

It is almost impossible to stop caring what others think once you start, and it makes you try harder to be what you think they want. The only way to be completely out from under your own feelings is to stop caring altogether -- shut down and even get angry and convince yourself they're not worth it. Go on defense.

Except that it is normal and natural to care what others think. To not care about anyone is sociopathy. So the key, to me, isn't some hard emotional shell but learning to respect the opinions of people who will treat you with respect, who will build you up instead of tear you down.

A player should not stay with a guild, no matter how badly he or she wants its good opinion, if the guild does not offer (and defend) a healthy and respectful atmosphere.

Recognize destructive patterns. If you find yourself always craving the good opinions of people who hurt you, reroute your energy to getting to know different people. As you should very well know, appearances can be deceiving -- I saw a guy in the elevator who looked like he played Warcraft and thought "I'm dressed so normal, he probably thinks I'm one of those boring people who doesn't even know what DPS means."

Acknowledge your appearance. My mother is an image consultant, so I grew up knowing the perfect colors for my skin and hair. I had a distant affection for the kids who wore big boots, wallet chains, and black clothing to school, but as a preacher's kid I had little leeway to indulge in edgy fashion.

Growing up in a church-saturated environment with a beauty expert mom and a sort of quiet oddness, I've always known that appearances, whether it's green hair or green starter gear, force people to make assumptions about you. You can hate this all you wish, but it is a fact of life.

Now, most of you would never consider changing your RL style just to be "more accepted," yet we do change for people whose opinions matter to us. We let them talk us into getting better gear, farming mats, and we work harder because they encourage us to and improve our gear because we don't want to be the last one in greens when a Tier 8 walks by. We get self-conscious despite ourselves.

Give others a chance. A defensive nature may protect you from harm, but it also prevents real relationships from forming. Yes, if you're different people will pigeon-hole you the first chance they get, but a warm smile goes a long way toward saying "I might not look normal but I'm still a nice person."

Like Jon's post about saying hi -- sometimes it's those of us who are different who need to take the first friendly step. Differences can be intimidating, and there's nothing more reassuring than finding out that the orc in all epics is willing to sit and chat for a while about class mechanics, or the huge guy in homeroom with the tattoos is just a big teddy bear. Or even that the mom blaring heavy metal when she drops her girls off at school just wants to see them grow up happy, self-confident, and free.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer in In Vino Veritas.
She's a writer and cares too much what others think.
Beth's been married since her junior year of college.

Greetings! The Importance of Saying Hi

Greeting your guildmates is one small step toward founding, fostering and maintaining good relationships. Saying "Hello" or "Good Morning" makes people feel personally welcomed and acknowledged. The word "personally" is the operative word there. A relationship-building greeting needs to be more than just a recognition of the person's presence, it ought to be sincere and personal rather than general.

Often it's only those who say "Hi" who get a greeting in response. These guildies tend to be well-known and well-liked because they are seen as friendly. Why? Merely because they take the time to greet their fellow guildmates. You can start new friendships and build upon existing ones simply by taking the time to say hello. It's a simple concept, but you might be surprised how effective it is in practice.

"The Greeting" is an excellent time to use (and learn) a person's real name. Saying "Good morning, George" conveys a significantly more intimate greeting than simply "Good morning". This can be difficult if your guild does not actively support the use of given names over character names. IVV uses a simple method that ensures you never have to slight someone by misremembering their name (see suggestions below), but even if your guild isn't prepared to take that step you can utilize tools already in Warcraft to achieve the same result.

If you don't already have it active, turn on your Guild Member Alert, located in your Interface options under Social. This may create some mild chat spam, but it means you'll be able to keep tabs on your guildies and interact with them in more meaningful ways than you would if you only noticed them when they happened to talk in Guild Chat.


Talk to your officers about adding a person's real-life name in the Public Note section of their character profile (accessible via Guild in the Social tab).


You can create your own notes by means of your Friends List. Click the small "note" icon to the left of each Friend's name and add his or her real name and any other pertinent information in the space provided. This will give you a quick-check reference for remembering the names of your guildmates. The only downsides compared with #2 are that you have to fill up your Friends list with guildmates (not such a bad thing, really) and you have to be willing to ask the player his or her name before you can add it to the note.

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Jon Blevins is an officer of In Vino Veritas.

He's a pastor, husband, gamer and gourmet coffee lover.

He lives in Minnesota, the state that elected a pro-wrestler governor.

Playing for Yourself

Last Sunday, I found myself caught in a spiral of trying to make everyone happy but myself.

Before Wrath's release I chose to go Inscription for the cosmetic druid form glyphs and for the extra glyph slot, both of which never arrived. I also chose it to be an asset to my guild -- as did 5 young men, each more enterprising than myself. Sunday, I realized that even the one positive about Inscription, the shoulder enchant, didn't matter -- the rep grind it would save me is Sons of Hodir, who have a tailoring pattern at Exalted I'm determined to get.

When I was an officer, I served with several men who felt passionately about raiding, and I got it into my head that by not helping 25 man raiding, I was not helping my guild (unpatriotic). So when Wrath arrived and Teo asked for more holy priests, I volunteered to go holy at 80. Sunday, I realized I'm unable to do 25-mans because they're late at night and I just got my schedule fixed (from getting up at 1pm with late night raiding to getting up at 8am with no raiding). Not doing 25's, from my experience with IVV's more hardcore members, means I felt massive amounts of guilt and failure, even though I personally prefer 10's.

It's easy to pressure me into doing things I don't want to, which is why I hate when others beg and badger in guild chat -- it makes me frazzled, guilty, and frustrated. Sunday, with Alliance swarming over the daily areas so I couldn't do the quest chains to open up useful rep (and, in the process, ding 80), I gave in to doing things other people wanted but that I had little interest in.

The entire day filled with disappointment, failure, and the realization that I push myself to give to others and neglect my own needs.

You read this and you think "Well, that's dumb. It's a game, you should have fun."

This line of thinking is wrong.

It is fun to me to be useful. The pain came when I realized how much I'm not useful. No, I don't want to be useful doing menial tasks for others or being harassed to heal heroics all the time, but I do enjoy filling needs when I'm available (i.e. not doing my own thing) and in the mood to do heroics; or signing heals for a raid in a spec the raid needs; or offering my skills in a helpful profession.

The problem that I realized was I can't fill the guild's need as a healer in 25-mans, and my profession is . . . well, useless. I don't even enjoy it, and I've wasted hundreds of herbs (i.e. gold) leveling it.

And I'm so busy helping others and trying to hit 80, I haven't had time to farm any of the 1 in 1000 droprate pets I'm dying to collect (or, omgitssopretty, the 1 in 5000 purple parrot). I want a phoenix so badly, I don't dare raise my roll against anyone for any other mount, though I'm not sure we'd even have enough dedicated people to farm it if we tried.

Sunday was a pile of horribleness, compounded by people saying cynical or discouraging things, my brother getting camped, and the experience bar that kept shouting "You can get me to 80 in 3 hours, what are you waiting for?" while Alliance scurried below like ants (six of them, and if you're not on a PVP server, I'll explain -- even if only one of the six attacked, it is PVP code that if I fought back the others would be forced to help whether they agreed with him for starting it or not).

I spent the rest of Sunday out of the game, regaining my equilibrium, and came to the following conclusions:

Do what you love. There was really no way I could have known how disappointing Inscription would be, and I still don't mind being holy, even if it's just for 10's.

Find a way to help that makes you happy. I love mount farming runs, and I'm secretly trying to work up karma points with the people around me so they'll all pass the phoenix to me if we ever get around to farming it. I also enjoy fishing and cooking, so I take pleasure in preparing raid buffs for guildmates, even if I can't see those buffs in 25-man action.

Don't overhelp. I care about mount farming, and I do want to heal heroics for people, but I draw the line at "I'm bored" activities as well as attunement runs. I have other things I'd rather do, and I can't even participate in everything that is important and urgent. My sister-in-law advised me to do what she does and ignore every "Want to do something" request that doesn't involve a whisper directly to her. I'm not sure if I can swing it, but I'll definitely try.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer in In Vino Veritas.
She's a writer and way too easy to talk into things.
Beth's been married since her junior year of college.

Playing Parents

This is a fairly popular image. Pardon my stealing it.

Teo has been absent because he welcomed a brand new gold farmer / raid hunter into the world at 6PM last night. (She'll be a blood elf, of course, unless she rolls undead. But the statistics say elf.)

I'm sure one of us will take advantage of this ready audience and post a photo when photos are available. Hi baby Elsa Shu-Yi!

So, in honor of real life children, I talked to a few of my guild's parents about dual-boxing Life and WoW.

Five out of my five polled parents said the biggest change is time. They have to focus hard on managing time and juggling availability.

Stay-at-home mom Kristina says she only plays when her children are at school, napping, or catching up on their cartoons -- otherwise, she makes sure her husband is with them when she's planned an in-game activity. Single mom Tara gives her girls extra love, like going to the movies, so she's not just consumed by the game -- she works hard to get them settled with their own entertainments (or bed) if she has to raid. Daddy Rich actually took advice from Teo and only plays when his little girl is in bed or having quality time with mommy. He says "your playtime will be cut, and there's nothing you can do about it."

Keale plays after he's already spent time with his kids, and Eric has to coordinate every moment of his in-game time and even does his chores for the day when both his kids and his guild friends are in bed so he can squeeze every last drop out of both worlds.

Most of these parents have trouble scheduling things or doing spur-of-the-moment activities because they know they might have to run away in the middle. Over half told stories about fleeing to take care of something and coming back to the game to find a corpse. (Kristina's 5-year-old loves to announce when her mom is being attacked even when it's Kristina attacking the mob.) From the stories they told, apparently having kids makes you look like a huge noob, but it's just something you have to roll with.

Being a playing parent can strain guild relations if you're not with people who understand the whole "real life is important too" deal. Tara remembers when she got to a ZG raid 15 minutes late, only 2 minutes after they'd removed her, because she had to finish giving her girls their bath (they'd known the reason, and one guy had stood up for her since they were only on trash). Their response was harsh when she spoke up: "Because I said anything at all they gkicked me."

Eric had a more encouraging (though grosser) story: He had to go afk suddenly because his little daughter got out of bed and "used the floor as a potty." He said the raid understood and gave him the time to go clean.

Four out of five of the parents polled would let their children play WoW if they wanted, though the dads are a lot more nervous about it. Rich would be watching his little girl "like a hawk" and Eric would try to prevent his kids from playing as much as he does. Keale won't let his kids play at all, not even for the excuse of spending time together in-game: "After sitting back and noticing the time needed to play the game and how easy it is to lose 3 hours of time I will not let my children play. [It's] too much of an addiction."

In contrast, the women already let their girls play on their accounts (though there has been some trouble with the reading aspect of the game). Kristina's 5-year-old already talks like a pro, saying how she wants to play her rogue or DK, and now that Tara's kids are older she's thinking about getting them their own PC and account so they can play with her (she hopes IVV will welcome them like it welcomed her).

All of these parents said WoW gave them a great way to relieve stress from their day, but their kids always come first. It might rack up their repair bills and make them look inept in the middle of pugs, but I think Rich said it best: kids are "a great excuse to get away from the game and explore the real world."

So here's to parents and their RL quest chain: Children.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer in In Vino Veritas.

She's a writer, artist and avid blogger.

Beth's been married since her junior year of college.

Guest Post: How I Came to Be in A Family Guild

As you've probably read in one of Beth's earlier posts, IVV started when a group of in-game friends got together to form a guild and began to recruit from their personal network of real-life friends. I am not one of these "real life" friends. How did I get into the guild, you might ask? It all started one day when I was a level forty-something noob…

I had a couple of real life friends who played, but for the most part I played alone. As time passed, I began to desire a group of people I could be friends with and possibly learn a thing or two from. In my time leveling I had seen a lot of different guild titles roaming about and even run an instance or two with a number of them, but still had no idea which to join. I did some google research and read about a few of the more prominent guilds, most of which seemed to be full of seasoned raiders. I felt those sorts of people would probably not want to deal with someone as inexperienced as myself.

Then one day I stumbled upon a guild called In Vino Veritas. I read their website and found that they called themselves a "family guild" but also raided. I had seen a lot of people from this guild running around so I figured I'd try to join up... there was a catch. First, I had to know someone in the guild and have them recommend me. I didn't know anyone in the guild, so I went to Orgrimmar and waited until I saw one of them.

The first person I messaged told me that, "Yeah, IVV was a cool guild but you had to know someone to get in." I asked him if maybe I could do an instance or something with him so he could see that I was not such a bad guy, but he told me he was already on his way to do something. So I waited until I saw the next IVV member. He was around my level so I asked him if he wanted to run something together and he agreed. While we were flying to whatever instance we were going to run I asked him to tell me more about IVV. He told me that everyone was really cool and, after I explained to him what I was looking for in a guild, said that he would definitely recommend me for membership.

I filled out my application and eagerly waited for a response from the "recruitment princess." After a couple of days she informed me that there was another Zachery Taylor (nickname "Z") in the guild who had a sister named Leah, which is the name of my wife. Because of the other Z's prominence in the guild, I became known as "Z2" or "Artoozeetoo." It all seemed too strange to be a coincidence and the guild had originally thought my application to be a joke by Z. When they realized I was for real I was invited to join the guild.

In real life I'm a pretty shy person until I get to know someone and this trait carried over into the game. For a while I kept leveling and never really said much in gchat, but I read the forums and read a lot about other members, trying to find common interests so that I could start to form relationships. I saw that a lot of members had facebook pages so I started a facebook group for people in the guild and began talking to a few people that way.

One day while reading the forums I saw that the guild was going to start doing "Hug a Lowbie Night" so I signed up to go, figuring I could get to know some folks better and hopefully learn a thing or two about gameplay. I went on a few of these runs and became friends with a Warrior and a Priest in the guild. Around this time a section of the forum was created for members to make threads about themselves. I figured it would be a good idea for me to make a thread so the people whom I had been reading about could read a bit about me.

Another way I made friends with people in the guild was by speaking to them in whispers. Sometimes someone would express a hardship they were experiencing and I would send them an encouraging word or people would express things they had accomplished and I would send them a congratulatory message. I would also talk to people about similar outside interests, through which I met a Rogue who shares my love of Star Wars. Now we constantly hijack forum threads by changing the subject to Star Wars.

During this time I was still in the fifties and sixties trying to make my way up to level seventy. I had been making increasing numbers of friends in the guild and began building personal relationships with them in-game and sometimes outside the game via facebook or AIM chat. I tried my best not to have to ask for a lot of help or to force people to go out of their way, but I was eager to learn. I ended up befriending a fellow Warlock who now plays a Paladin while discussing ways to become a better Lock. It wasn't until I hit level seventy that I began a lot of in game interaction with my guildies outside of guild chat.

I hit seventy only a week or two before Wrath of the Lich King came out, so after a week of running Burning Crusade heroics I started the long grind to eighty. At level eighty I became acquainted with other people I had not gotten a chance to talk to before through running heroic instances and communicating through Ventrilo. It was during this time that people really started helping me and giving me advice on things I didn't know a whole lot about. It was this way that I befriended another warlock in the guild who showed me how to improve my DPS from mediocre to the competitive numbers I post today.

That is the history of how I became involved with the guild known as In Vino Veritas. The moral of the story is that in order to truly become part of a family guild you have to have more than just a common interest in the game or loot, you have to have an interest in the people who you are playing with. I enjoy playing WoW and I enjoy the proverbial phat l00tz, but more than anything else I enjoy playing a game with people who have become true friends to me.

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Zackery Taylor is a member of In Vino Veritas.
Dr. Zackery Taylor is not a doctor, even though he tells everyone he is. He's an IT manager in Texas who likes comics and kittens.

Schooling the Unskilled

The organist at my church is bad. She hits the right notes and can play more than one line of music simultaneously. The problem is that she lacks rhythm. A song might take twice or half as long depending on whatever interpretation her mind gives to the proper length of a quarter note that week. At first I thought there was a pattern to her madness -- that she was reading the notes consistently but incorrectly. I was wrong, there is no pattern. Her musical "style" is chaos and nearly impossible to sing to... and yet she's still the organist at my church... and has been for nearly twenty years. Why? Not because of her skill, but because of her passion. She genuinely loves playing the organ. She persists under the delusion that if the music were peppier or the songs were more soulful that it would attract more people to the church, never realizing that the problem isn't with the songs, it's with the performer. I've been at the church for over five years now and I still don't have the heart to tell her the truth. She's not a skillful organist, but she's our organist.

Perhaps my description of this rhythmically challenged woman reminds you of someone in your guild. Maybe its their incompetence that stands out, like that raider who still hasn't figured out not to stand in the fire? Or perhaps it's their social ineptitude that sets them apart, like the raid leader who refuses to listen to the advice of others?

Not every member of your guild is as skilled as the next. Some people are equipped to lead, others to follow, some to experiment, others to copy, some to excel, others to lag behind. The danger that presents itself is that we all tend to set ourselves up as the standard by which others ought to be measured. It's an unconscious thing to do... and a very natural thing. We don't think from the perspective of others, we think from the perspective of self. In an end-game raiding guild the standard is generally set by means of availability and numbers. This mean if you can raid and you keep up with the rest of the guild, you keep your spot. If not, you're gone. Family guilds operate on a different principle and are therefore more likely to encounter players who, like my organist, just don't pick up on certain things.

I would rather have my rhythmless organist than a paid professional because my organist isn't just doing a job, she's a valued part of the church community. Likewise, I'd rather have one friendly but underskilled player in my guild than a dozen of the rude and elitist "pro" players who spend their time boasting and putting down everyone else. Family guilds don't build upon "skillz", they build upon community. Start with the right foundation and the building will be the stronger for it. You'd be surprised how skilled someone's mum or little brother can be at a game like WoW with the right guidance.

Before you run off to save the world, ask yourself these simple questions. Does the person realize that there is a problem? You can't fix a problem if you don't realize there is one and offers of assitance are more likely to be viewed as insults by someone who doesn't realize they're making mistakes. Does the person care? If they care then they will be open to constructive criticism and will work to improve. People who don't want to better themselves are not worthwhile investments for your time and energy. Lastly, if the answers to the first two questions are "no" you have to ask yourself whether this person is worth having around in spite of these flaws? In the case of my organist the church has said "yes." There are some other cases where I have said "no." There's a world of difference between a true and loyal guild member and someone who merely provides a warm body.

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Jon Blevins is an officer of In Vino Veritas.

He's a pastor, husband, gamer and Miles Davis fan.

He lives in Minnesota where zamboni is a household word.

Negativity

We discussed this in an officer meeting once, though we never continued the discussion afterward or formed plans of action.

When you say something negative about someone else, even if you're just joking, it gives people who don't know that person a bad impression of them.

Even the smallest and most harmless negative remarks create a negative persona for the subject, a persona that eventually alienates them from your guild. And while there is often truth in negative comments, those same comments can keep a player from improving -- whether it's in attitude, gear, or skill -- by ostracizing them from groups when they otherwise might have gotten opportunities to change.

A negative reputation limits player opportunities.

For example, if your worst player has trouble finding groups to learn how to play and practice their rotation, you don't want people going around saying "This player can't tank/heal/dps" because it makes people pass that player by for groups. Which gives them no opportunities to improve. Likewise, an "annoying" player who is excluded from groups (and thus can't interact with others except through guild chat) has no way to learn more appropriate behavior.

If you talk about someone in a negative way, even just to your own personal friends, it limits their chances to change. I'm not saying you personally have to take responsibility for everyone with problems in the guild -- I'm just saying that negativity can only make things worse for people who already have rough circumstances. Thus, it should be avoided.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer in In Vino Veritas.

She's a writer, artist and avid blogger.

Beth's been married since her junior year of college.

Guild Bank Donations

My women's ministry teacher once held up a stained pink baby jumpsuit and a similar outfit she'd found on sale for $1 at WalMart. She asked "Which would you prefer for your own children?"

She set the little outfits down and proceeded to explain that many people leave ruined clothing and broken electronics in charity boxes, using them like guilt free trash cans. She said that the charities end up throwing those items away and do not appreciate getting them.

People use guild banks like that.

Last night, I had two eternals to put in the guild bank: fire and air. These are things my characters don't use. (For those of you who don't know, eternals are an important part of top level crafted gear and enchants.)

I open the guild bank and, like the time a real life friend filled it with cockroaches when he went on hiatus except not half as funny, someone had bloated the deposits tab with level 13-17 rings and necks, the ones you get from leveling jewelcrafting.

Because I'd heard the old guild leader complaining about this sort of thing on our couch between episodes of Veronica Mars, and because I knew it would just end up a headache for the bank officer no matter what the person putting them in had intended (most people don't think of it as malicious, they just think someone might be able to use their junk), I took it upon myself to guilt the offender into never doing it again.

A warlock friend offered to take the items and disenchant them, then return the mats to the bank, and I told him I doubted the guild bank even wanted the mats. The old guild leader (my disenchanter) had glared at me the day before for sending him level 10 greens to disenchant. I figured that meant the officers weren't dying to have Strange Dust in the guild bank.

But it is an interesting issue. People hold on to low level items because someone might need them, and the guild bank seems a logical place for someone to find what they need. But when most of the guild is at the highest levels, then the guild bank needs room for the rarest and most expensive materials, not things you can buy stacks of on the auction house for silver.

Guilds typically have people who put things in but never take anything out and other people who take things out but never put anything in. The result is that we have three black Valentines dresses in the deposits tab and a bunch of Preserved Holly (which I asked for and then distributed among a handful of guildies with the order to use it up).

While it would be possible to start a secondary guild for a bank to hold low level items, I know from our current bank that it would just sit there and molder with things people don't need. The best thing any member can do for his or her guild is to ask in guild chat if anyone needs what you have and then sell, disenchant, or vendor it.

Each individual should be responsible for taking care of his or her own pre-endgame items. Like giving a broken toaster to a charity with the idle thought that they might fix it, you're just adding one more step on its way to the trash.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer in In Vino Veritas.

She's a writer, artist and avid blogger.

Beth's been married since her junior year of college.

Attitude Check: Trust

Family Guilds are founded on relationships. Relationships are built on trust. Without trust a family guild cannot function. I’m not talking about the superficial level of trust that most organizations with a common purpose possess. There’s a fundamental level of trust that hopes the Guild Leader won’t ninja the bank, disband the guild, transfer servers and leave everyone out in the cold. There’s a judicial level of trust that believes that loot will be handed out fairly according to the guild’s rules for loot distribution. I’m talking about something deeper – relational trust. Relational trust requires emotional vulnerability; it requires forming human connections with others. This isn’t always easy to create or maintain in a virtual environment where “real” human interaction is not a requirement. It isn’t easy, but it is necessary for those who would be a “family guild” (as opposed to a “raiding” or “PvP” guild).

Trust on the relational level does not come easily. Trust is not bought or demanded, it is earned and nurtured. Trusting someone requires opening up to that person – becoming vulnerable. In a very real sense, this is the definition of the type of trust we’re seeking. Some people trust easily, some with difficulty. It’s important to recognize the difficulties presented by asking people to trust one another in a setting where there is no ultimate accountability. You cannot force someone to be trusting of the guild, its leaders or its members, but there are certain steps you (as a leader or a member) can take to encourage and foster an atmosphere of trust within your guild. The essence of my advice can be summed up thus: “Trust and you will be trusted.”

First, be willing to take the first step. If you show a willingness to make yourself vulnerable to others by reaching out to them in seeking to either establish or develop a personal relationship you will find them far more likely to open up to you. In doing this you lead by example.

Second, keep your word. If you are going to take the first step you MUST be prepared to follow up. Trust is constantly being built and once broken it can be very difficult to fix. The best and most powerful way to foster trust is simply to keep your promises. It’s much easier to trust someone who is reliable and honest.

Third, praise and reward trust in others. Encourage trust among all members not only by being a leader yourself but by pointing out and praising acts of trust and relationship-building in others. Our guild makes a point never to neglect someone who is making a clear attempt to build relationships within the guild. In many cases we could do one better and reward the person’s willingness to reach out by trusting that person with, for example, greater responsibility.

What follows are a few practical suggestions on how IVV has worked to create a community that trusts.

First Name Basis – This came about quite naturally for IVV because our core group knew each other prior to playing WoW together, so “Jon” came more naturally for my brother-in-law than “Manasseh” and the usage of real-life names carried over to other members. This can be a difficult transition for a guild that generally goes by character name, but it’s a policy that helps to foster trust within the guild as a whole. Using “real” names rather than character names to identify a person is humanizing and more intimate (without being uncomfortable). In a virtual world where anonymity is the norm, this is one small but important step toward developing an atmosphere of trust.

Member Pages – IVV has a dedicated forum for people to create an “About Me” page. It’s our own version of MySpace/Facebook (though many members also keep in touch through these social networking sites). We encourage members to talk about their interests/disinterests, their families, their work, their lives and frustrations. The posting of pictures is also strongly encouraged because it provides a whole new level of intimacy which demonstrates an increasing level of comfort and trust.

Responsibility – If you’re going to ask people to trust you (and the guild) you need to be prepared to act on that trust. You might be surprised to find how much there is to be gained by entrusting someone with even a small amount of responsibility. Ask a fellow member to take care of some task or another and let that person know that you’re “counting on them.” Even asking them to assist you with a task you’re undertaking can have the same effect. It’s shocking how much this can mean to someone, especially during those early stages of relationship-building.

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Jon Blevins is an officer of In Vino Veritas.

He's a pastor, husband, gamer and wannabe Jedi Knight.

He lives in Minnesota where the snow comes from.

Loot Wars

I have to admit, I don't understand the obsession with loot. In my world view, there's more than enough to go around. I dare to suggest that loot is unlimited and the only discrepancy is how often you get to try for it.

Guilds get into trouble when they approach touchy situations like "this player died and did nothing for the whole run, this other player rocked the house out and deserves this drop more." If a great piece of loot drops, do you give it to the failure or the success?

I have my own philosophy on that situation -- if the failure was good enough to get into your raid, they're good enough to roll on the loot per your loot rules. You don't get to switch things up just because you don't like how your rules work when you want to be biased. You hate it, then put a few exception clauses into the rules for next time but play fair now.

I really don't understand why guilds don't seem to have special rules for super-rare items. If a legendary drops and Proven Guild Hopper is rolling against Guy Who Formed The Guild, nobody's going to like it, but you don't suddenly say "Well, you helped, but we're not gonna let you roll." Not if the rules clearly state he can roll.

For goodness' sake, just change the rules before this stuff happens. Agree to handle legendary loot with a Loot Council and have done with it. Because that's essentially what people end up debating -- unplanned switch to a loot council for the most-desired items or no? The real issue isn't who deserves it but whether or not you're willing to undergo the stigma of being unethical by breaking your own rules.

And, yes, it's unethical. I'm sorry, but sometimes you have to hurt to learn, even if he really really really didn't deserve that drop.

Back in Burning Crusade, we farmed Gruul regularly and the Dragonspine Trophy (husband told me that this was the best melee dps trinket available) dropped about three times altogether for IVV. The third time, a few months before Wrath, our lowest dps performer (a druid) won the roll.

I felt the groans in officer chat.

"Rogue guy over there could have really used it, he's one of our best dps," my friend moaned and, since he was playing in the same room as husband and me, turned around in his chair and pretended to weep.

But they gave it to the druid because they knew it was important to be fair and treat everyone equally.

It is every guild's responsibility to choose which is more important: the people or the game? When you come to tough loot decisions, that is the call you inevitably make.

IVV believes that by treating the people right, the game will follow. We believe that a guild is only as good as how fair it's willing to be to its members. Fair is not always easy, and sometimes it feels a lot like unfair, and yes, you might be able to get by in spite of your choices, but you'll lose some really great people along the way.

Some guilds are willing to put up with those consequences.

Family guilds don't.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer in In Vino Veritas.

She's a writer, artist and avid blogger.

Beth's been married since her junior year of college.