Complaints

IVV hasn't had a lot of complaints at any one time, but we have had a collection of them over the period of our existence. Any guild does and will. One thing I've noticed is that a member who feels dissatisfied about one small thing will often stay quiet until the small thing seems to be guild-wide, and suddenly a problem with this or that situation becomes a flaw in the entire guild.

Here are a few family guild complaints we've received in the past that either have or haven't been true (they're all debatable):

• Elitist
• Gossipy
• Cliquish
• Unhelpful

Unhelpful will be our jumping-off point, as it's been going on the longest. I've found that members who don't know how to get groups or ask for help often consider IVV unhelpful. For example, a player asking for a tank when only two tank classes are on and both are doing their dailies (and, considering all the new dailies, will be at it for a few hours). Or another player tries to form a group for hours with no tank while someone else gets a group immediately by bringing his own tank.

If you have no clue how to get help, you won't get help. Also, if you have unrealistic expectations about what help you deserve, you will definitely be disappointed with what you get. I've found that the players who are most frustrated and feel most neglected by lack of help are the ones who think they should be helped even in little things.

A guild is usually called Elitist when they don't let everyone in. Elitist has a negative connotation for me, and I'd rather shoot myself than be lumped with all the pompous elitist jackasses of the world. I've heard leaders in our guild argue that "we are elitists, but." I don't think we are. Elitism is about rejecting others based on a sense of superiority, and while we're proud of our guild and think we are an excellent oasis for our members and that everyone should want to be part of us, our rejection of applicants isn't based on "You're not good enough." It's based on protecting the balance of the community and maintaining our core values. And while that may be Idealist, it certainly doesn't ring true as Elitist.

Elitists would have kicked the problem members long ago, would have tossed out the high maintenance cases, and would never have put up with trying to make everyone, even the fringe members, happy. Elitists would reject people for arrogant reasons and not because applicants often have the wrong idea about what we are. We care and will continue to care about every member's inclusion in the guild -- even when they call us Elitist.

Cliquishness is similar to Elitist but carries a little more weight in IVV. Most of IVV would admit we're cliquish, but I'm not so sure. Cliques are, by definition, groups that don't allow others to integrate into them. They're exclusive. So, I prefer to describe IVV as peppered by subgroups, rather than cliques. In fact, the most cliquish current group in IVV is probably my family group, but our group is also the first on the scene when anyone feels neglected. We have Family Instance Time every Sunday, our long-distance version of eating Sunday lunch together, but sometimes what other guildmates see is us playing with each other and not with them.

Perceptions play hard into accusations of cliquishness. For me, I wouldn't invite the whole guild to a Sunday family brunch when I only have seating and flatware for five. Likewise, when it's time for us to play and bond, we're limited to 5 for instances. When someone isn't able to show up, we'll plug their spot with whomever we think doesn't get groups often enough or whomever needs a certain drop, but when your primary reason for playing a game is to keep in touch with certain people, it's unreasonable for others to expect equal time. It doesn't mean we aren't available for everyone else outside of family time, it just means we're closer to each other than the rest of the guild. And except for the inevitable fact that we play less with others, we still play with others, we still talk to and try to help others. A real clique wouldn't.

Gossipy happened more recently in a fit of frustration from someone who'd been an officer. I've mentioned before that we keep records so that we can notice trends in members -- has Beth gotten progressively more frustrated about her raiding schedule over the last year? Address problem before it becomes drama!

I remember member pages from when I was an officer, and they aren't gossip. Gossip is malicious, idle, and has no relevant bearing on any situation. Some guilds may have member pages that just trade frustrations and stories about their members, places to vent and even be cruel. IVV has member pages about what a player has done to improve, sometimes even to the point of offering private kudos among the officers about a member who went the extra mile, and also about potential problems with a member that should be watched or addressed.

The two young members we kicked for being needy, greedy, or even (in one case) taking items from the guild bank for resale were carefully tracked and logged in their member threads. What members need to know is that any move by IVV officers is deliberate and has a specific goal. A new post reminding everyone about guild bank rules means someone probably did something naughty, but the officers don't want to call anyone out publicly.

Member pages are also useful for briefing new officers on what's been happening with X or Y person. Knowing someone's history doesn't give the right to judge them. It's meant to provide context for the future, whether a player is getting better or worse about something we've struggled with them over. Some players become more mature over time. Some become malcontent. But it's important to know which way they've started to swing so you can act to try and help them feel settled and happy.

At the end of the day, accusations and Complaints are, at their heart, an indicator of how happy that member is in your guild. Most complaints (in any guild) aren't something you can fix without changing people. Sometimes it's the complainer who needs to realize that they can't get what they want without changing their habits and expectations. Sometimes you need to push members at large to care more about the people they don't know as well. But at the end of the day, the officers have little control over the actions of the guild, and there's only so much good that can come from a complaint.

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Beth Blevins is a former officer in In Vino Veritas.

She's a writer and complains at That Time of the Month.

Beth's been married since her junior year of college.